10 Best Vehicles for a Hitman

The job title “Hitman”, despite its glamour and prestige, is a bit more difficult than one might think.  The men and women who make ends meet by using their ex-military training to turn murder into income have a lot on their plate.  Not only do they have to risk their lives and deal with their crippling morality each and every day, but they also have the infuriating task of picking a vehicle to suit both their desires and needs.  A hitman simply can not just purchase a Camry and go to work – no one would watch that movie.  In order for a complete, legend-making hitman to exist, one must pick out a set of wheels that is menacing to the core.  Powerfully dark, clever and deceptively suave, these cars and trucks are just as dangerous as their drivers.

For this list, each vehicle picked rolled off the factory floor just the way it is – no modifications.  This is for simplicity, practicality and to provide real-world consumer advice.

10. 2007-2014 Cadillac Escalade


Revamped in 2007 to critical acclaim, the third generation Cadillac Escalade is the perfect vehicle of choice for the hitman who anticipates a few takeaways.  Standing long at almost 17 feet, the storage space is plenty large enough for rifles, axes and body bags.  Mean, sharp, and suave, these big daddy heavy hitting muscle trucks pack an all-American 6.2 liter 403 horsepower punch and burble so deeply at idle, that no patsy would dare approach as a hitman sits inside, sharpen their knife.

9. 1999-2002 Audi S8


The first of Audi’s big bodied heavy hitting super sedans is coincidentally the best.  Back when the high-volume premium German automaker was still producing masculine products, they decided to drop into their flagship sedan a high-strung, 355 hp 4.2 liter V8 and six speed manual thus creating the legendary S8.  Used in Ronin as the primary pursuit vehicle, this full-size luxury barge can hit 60 mph in about 6 seconds, haul “equipment” discreetly and look classically understated while doing so.

8. 2011-Present Jeep Grand Cherokee Overland


The current generation Jeep Grand Cherokee wins awards five times daily and there is a good reason for that – it’s bloody good.  In Overland form with its icy cool leather interior, understated exterior and muscle car worthy 5.7 liter 360 hp Hemi V8, it’s also a fantastic candidate for the utilitarian hitman.  Not only is the Overland at home parked in front of a swanky downtown soiree awaiting the exit of a “he had it coming to him” mark, but it is equally capable of outrunning the competition no matter what the terrain.

7. 2007 – 2009 Jaguar XJR


Rear drive, the size of a limousine and powered by a supercharged 390 hp 4.2 liter V8, this iconic luxury sedan might has well been marketed toward baddies to begin with.  Obviously British in every sense of the way, the XJR is classy, powerful and runs on frigidly dead water thus making it perfect for the hitman who needs to attend social gatherings for “research”.  Despite being almost too perfect on paper, the Jag is not the heaviest thing out there for a baddie on good-guy scuffle and, as cliche as it may seem, it doesn’t have the most reliable rap sheet known to man.

6. 2009 Maserati Quattroporte Sport GT S


This is the Jennifer Garner of cars.  It’s strong yet delicate, powerful yet gorgeous and resourceful to point where if it kicked your butt, it would find a way to do so elegantly.  This car oozes cool and carries a devastating left hook filled with menace.  Packed under its icy cold hood is a 4.7 liter V8 with 434 hp and a wail so bone chilling, a hitman can intimidate their mark without even leaving the leather filled cockpit.

5. 1998 – 2001 BMW 750iL


Yes, the V12 one.  While the charm and charisma of the third generation BMW 7 Series is not exclusive to the big engine, the heavy hitting Bavarian limo does get an extra oomph in coolness when the cylinder count breaks into double digits.  Timeless in design and oh-so-German, the E38 is the kind of car hitman, getaway drivers and all around anti-heroes adore.  Used in James Bond films and driven by Jason Statham, this may break down a time or two, but when it’s in tip-top shape, it will be a hitman’s best tool.

4. 2005 – 2012 Citroen C6


This car was the first to obtain four stars from the EuroNCAP for its pedestrian safety.  Too bad the safety outfit failed too check for the body bags in the trunk because the Citroen C6 is the kind of car that oozes composure hiding lunacy.  It’s extraterrestrial cool looks, spacious yet beautiful interior and unsuspecting status make it the perfect candidate for “get in and get out” hitman jobs.  With its world-famous Hydractive 3+ suspension, the C6 is also so comfortable, the crooked congressman you need to “take care of” will certainly fall fast asleep all on his own – no Chloroform required.

3. 2006 – 2010 Chrysler 300 SRT8


The Citroen C6 is piano wire.  The BMW E38 is a sniper riffle.  The Chrysler 300 SRT8 is a hammer and a pair of seasoned fists.  Built with menace as a main ingredient, this  mobster land yacht packs a 425 hp 6.1 liter Hemi V8 punch.  Sixty miles per hour comes up in under five seconds.  Sitting strong at around two tons, the Chrysler will punch, kick and roast anything it needs to all while dressed to nines wearing a cowboy hat.

2. 1997 – 1999 Bentley Turbo RT


One of the last real Bentleys before they all became fancy Volkswagens, the Turbo RT is remarkably rare but insanely brutal.  More than 200 inches long and weighing in at 5,200 lbs, the RT is a full-size British muscle sedan with nearly 700 lb-ft of torque and a 150 mph top speed.  Classy, suave and forever cool, this Bentley goes about its business under the radar – rare for the current model line.  It also has a psychotic personality to match any hitman’s own.

1. 1975 – 1981 Mercedes-Benz 450SEL 6.9


While it may look like a classic Mercedes sedan, the “6.9” goes like a Ferrari and punches like a prize fighter.  This is Germany’s idea of a muscle car and in the late 1970s, this 4,390 lb 210 inch long hydropneumatic suspensioned luxury sedan put a serious hurt on the performance car landscape.  It is now the type of car that wafts around classically, never calling attention to itself but refusing to be forgotten.  It can be accepted anywhere it goes, punt any car into a hedge and store a full arsenal in the trunk.  It’s suave, collected, talented, handsome and most importantly, psychotic.  It is, the perfect car for the modern-day hitman.

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