10 Best Vehicles for a Hitman

The job title “Hitman”, despite its glamour and prestige, is a bit more difficult than one might think.  The men and women who make ends meet by using their ex-military training to turn murder into income have a lot on their plate.  Not only do they have to risk their lives and deal with their crippling morality each and every day, but they also have the infuriating task of picking a vehicle to suit both their desires and needs.  A hitman simply can not just purchase a Camry and go to work – no one would watch that movie.  In order for a complete, legend-making hitman to exist, one must pick out a set of wheels that is menacing to the core.  Powerfully dark, clever and deceptively suave, these cars and trucks are just as dangerous as their drivers.

For this list, each vehicle picked rolled off the factory floor just the way it is – no modifications.  This is for simplicity, practicality and to provide real-world consumer advice.

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Project Hot Rod Apocalypse Part 1 – An Intro

I’m going to make this short and sweet as with the whole world coming to an end and what not, you and I do not have a lot of time for flowering introductory paragraphs filled with useless adjectives that are obviously pulled from some sort of online thesaurus and inserted into said paragraph in a desperate and moronic attempt to impress the many members of the female race that are not reading this because it contains the words “Hot Rod” in the title and that’s just boring.

Reader, meet Ruby. Ruby, meet reader.

1999 Jeep Cherokee

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Car Review: The Lady and The Tramp

In the fall of 2012, I decided to take the plunge into a pool that would cement my societal standing as a car guy. The decision took some time and a few difficult night sleeps, but at the end of the day, I signed the paperwork necessary to purchase a second vehicle. Soon after my John Hancock was littered throughout a series of dealership notes, my driveway featured two functioning automobiles and there was no intention of that number falling back down to a lonely one.

2002 Outback H6 JDM Grill

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Car Review: The Dumb Little Washing Machine

If you have a mother, you have undoubtedly heard this statement: “hate is a strong word.”  While it may seem harsh, it is more often than not said in  a manner that is either clownish, hyperbole or fully tongue in cheek.  In order to use hate in its full capacity, a wave of uncontrollable emotions must attack a person’s most inner soul.  There have been times in the past where we found heavy dislike for a car but even the GM J-Bodies have a sort of repulsive charm that make them “okay” or at the very least, laughable.  Because of this, we never really knew if we would ever meet a vehicle we would dislike so much that arduous walking would be the preferred mode of transportation.  On a cold winter’s day however, that all changed as the funky little Nissan Juke found its way onto our driveway.  Initially intrigued by 188 turbocharged and direct injected horses, we got behind the wheel of the strange crossover with honest high hopes.  After all, the Juke contained Nissan’s first U.S.-spec turbocharged four cylinder in ages and how cool is that?  In all honesty, not very cool at all.  Instead of joy, EmptyRoad was assaulted with enough anguish that we were forced to give the word hate a full-blown workout.  Please meet not only our least favorite car of 2012, but our least favorite car of our quarter century lives


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Car Review: The Girl With The Roundel Tattoo


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The 10 Best Ways to Escape a Wedding

There are moments in life where a person simply needs to stay humble.  Leaving a wedding isn’t one of them.  Just like a flashy Broadway performance is justified, being showy on one’s wedding day is perfectly okay. If anything, being obnoxiously blatant and overtly loud is asked upon by modern-day ceremony patrons who are mentally and emotionally numb because of smartphones and Netflix.  After all, most weddings are, without a doubt, boring.  Because of this, leaving the service should be done in a fashion not suitable for the quiet.  This also isn’t a moment when the typical C5 Corvette will do.  This is a time when you and your paramour are suppose to hold your heads up high and let everyone know that you are temporarily better than them. For that, here is a list of some of the best vehicles that a husband and wife can use to say “peace out suckers, it’s honeymoon time!”

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The Internet’s Ultimate Sleepers

A wolf in sheep’s clothing.  A fast bomber.  A rocket in disguise.  The term Sleeper is widely known inside the automotive world as a vehicle that looks slow but in actuality, is nutso fast.  Here’s some food-for-thought.  Imagine, if you will, purchasing a brand-new BMW M3 and pulling up to a junked out Chevrolet Pickup at a redlight.  You laugh as the truck revs its seemingly broken engine only to breath burnt fuel and witness nothing but faded taillights when the light turns green.  Given that the internet is “serious business”, we have complied a Top Ten list of the web’s best known sleepers.

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