In the fall of 2012, I decided to take the plunge into a pool that would cement my societal standing as a car guy. The decision took some time and a few difficult night sleeps, but at the end of the day, I signed the paperwork necessary to purchase a second vehicle. Soon after my John Hancock was littered throughout a series of dealership notes, my driveway featured two functioning automobiles and there was no intention of that number falling back down to a lonely one.
If you have a mother, you have undoubtedly heard this statement: “hate is a strong word.” While it may seem harsh, it is more often than not said in a manner that is either clownish, hyperbole or fully tongue in cheek. In order to use hate in its full capacity, a wave of uncontrollable emotions must attack a person’s most inner soul. There have been times in the past where we found heavy dislike for a car but even the GM J-Bodies have a sort of repulsive charm that make them “okay” or at the very least, laughable. Because of this, we never really knew if we would ever meet a vehicle we would dislike so much that arduous walking would be the preferred mode of transportation. On a cold winter’s day however, that all changed as the funky little Nissan Juke found its way onto our driveway. Initially intrigued by 188 turbocharged and direct injected horses, we got behind the wheel of the strange crossover with honest high hopes. After all, the Juke contained Nissan’s first U.S.-spec turbocharged four cylinder in ages and how cool is that? In all honesty, not very cool at all. Instead of joy, EmptyRoad was assaulted with enough anguish that we were forced to give the word hate a full-blown workout. Please meet not only our least favorite car of 2012, but our least favorite car of our quarter century lives
There are moments in life where a person simply needs to stay humble. Leaving a wedding isn’t one of them. Just like a flashy Broadway performance is justified, being showy on one’s wedding day is perfectly okay. If anything, being obnoxiously blatant and overtly loud is asked upon by modern-day ceremony patrons who are mentally and emotionally numb because of smartphones and Netflix. After all, most weddings are, without a doubt, boring. Because of this, leaving the service should be done in a fashion not suitable for the quiet. This also isn’t a moment when the typical C5 Corvette will do. This is a time when you and your paramour are suppose to hold your heads up high and let everyone know that you are temporarily better than them. For that, here is a list of some of the best vehicles that a husband and wife can use to say “peace out suckers, it’s honeymoon time!”
A wolf in sheep’s clothing. A fast bomber. A rocket in disguise. The term Sleeper is widely known inside the automotive world as a vehicle that looks slow but in actuality, is nutso fast. Here’s some food-for-thought. Imagine, if you will, purchasing a brand-new BMW M3 and pulling up to a junked out Chevrolet Pickup at a redlight. You laugh as the truck revs its seemingly broken engine only to breath burnt fuel and witness nothing but faded taillights when the light turns green. Given that the internet is “serious business”, we have complied a Top Ten list of the web’s best known sleepers.
Every car person has a “list.” It’s usually always changing, but for the most part there are at least 10 vehicles that drive us to be who we are. These are the desires that keep us up at night and haunt our dreams when we sleep. These are our top 10 dream cars.
I’d like to give you (the reader) a special glimpse into what makes me, your not-so-humble author, tick as a car person. I’ve collected my “list” and just by reading it, you might be able to get an idea as to who I really am as a person.
One final thought before I move on: this list has a rule. The vehicles on this list CAN NOT be modified and must come from the factory the way they were intended to.
The year was 2005. The date was December 22. The time: 6:30 p.m. The event: the worst day of my life. The event that took place on that day will haunt my nightmares for the rest of my life. Nothing else even comes close. That day replays in my mind over and over again. It will continue to do so until I have passed. I will never forget the day I lost one of my best friends.
Empty Road Chronicles 